


Until hell freezes over

by bestaceinspace



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestaceinspace/pseuds/bestaceinspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t understand why but it was like something kept him from closing his eyes and going back to sleep. There was a weird sensation in the air and it felt to Fay that there was another presence in the room besides him and Kurogane. Everything only got weirder when he started hearing a voice calling him. It even seemed like it wanted to guide Fay away from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until hell freezes over

Fay woke up with a start. It was still night out and Kurogane slept peacefully beside him with one arm over his waist, tugging at the blonde’s shirt. Fay ran a hand nervously through his hair; his breath heavy for whatever reason. He couldn’t understand why but it was like something kept him from closing his eyes and going back to sleep. There was a weird sensation in the air and it felt to Fay that there was another presence in the room besides him and Kurogane. Everything only got weirder when he started hearing a voice calling him. It even seemed like it wanted to guide Fay away from there.

So, without his consent, he got up from the bed, just as if he was being controlled by a spell, even though Fay didn’t sense any magic whatsoever. Fay rolled over to the side, being careful to not wake Kurogane up from his light sleep. He knew that if he made any noise, the man would wake up quickly to figure what was going on.

Tiptoeing his way out of the room, Fay got to the door of the apartment they were temporarily living in. The voice kept calling him almost like it was talking to him inside his mind. Fay kept walking, only paying attention to it, his eyes focused on the white snow that covered everything he could see.

It was too cold, he sensed on his partially uncovered skin and he cursed under his breath, wishing he had put more clothes on before leaving, but, well, it wasn’t like he had any time to do it before the voice started controlling his actions. Everything felt all too familiar to him in that world and somehow it seemed sometimes that the cold had never left him, even when they were in other places. It was like the snow became a part of Fay’s being.

He walked a little more, his feet guiding him without his control. The voice said _“closer”_ and so he obeyed like it was an order. It was a little boy talking to him, he noticed, the sound inside his head felt too familiar, like he already heard it before, but it felt like a long lost dream. Fay walked more and more without seeing how distant he got from the building, his bare feet leaving footprints on the snow. He basically couldn’t feel his toes anymore, just like any other part of his body; everything was numb, just as much as his mind. Fay ended up under a tree all covered in white where a little boy was standing. Fay looked down at the boy’s uncovered feet and it was like they were floating in the air, not touching the snow. He looked at his long blond hair and his eyes—

Oh no.

_“Brother.”_

The voice said inside his head and Fay froze even more in place, his eyes wide opened in shock. He rubbed the back of his hand on his eyes and looked again. It couldn’t be but there he was, his long dead brother, standing on the snow like he didn’t feel cold or pain, the smile on his face just as he remembered. Of course he could also never forget that voice, the voice that many times followed him into dreams that mostly turned into nightmares.

_“I called so we could be together again.”_

His brother talked to him then, and Fay could see his mouth moving, he looked so tired but also so very much alive, the colors on his face almost as lively as when they were little, before everything that came to happen. It was all too real to not be true, but Fay knew he couldn’t be fooled; still the emotions spoke for him.

_“Fay?”_

He said and the name almost hurt his throat to come out. The little boy smiled at him, walking closer until he was standing right in front of him. His tiny hand reached out at his brother and Fay couldn’t do anything but hold it. He could feel the skin against his, too warm to not be from a real person.

_“It can’t be”,_ Fay said with disbelief still in his voice. His brother didn’t seem to care or that he expected for a different reaction.

_“It’s okay, we can be together here.”_

And without letting go of his hand, the boy started to lay down on the snow, long blond hair in a contrast with the white snow. Fay ended up lying down too, not feeling the cold against his skin this time; it felt like something was protecting the both of them.

_“You can close your eyes now; there is nothing to be afraid of.”_

But Fay couldn’t help but think about the things he left behind. He thought about Kurogane probably still sleeping in their bed alone; he couldn’t leave everyone behind but, at the same time, what would happen to his brother if he left again? He already felt so guilty…

_“Stay”_ , the voice echoed in his head. Fay looked at his brother and he had his eyes closed, his hand still holding his own. And, just like that, his eyes started closing too; sleep calling him, his limbs starting to feel numb. It didn’t matter anyway. It was better like that. In the end, he knew he belonged to the snow.

.

He woke up again later with someone shaking him almost violently, the cold air and snow on his skin making him shiver, all his body hurt just by breathing. The person over him kept talking, calling at him. His eyes opened but he only looked at his side, but his brother was no longer there. He wanted to die all over again, just as he wished right after Fay made the sacrifice to save his life. That wasn’t right. It was happening all over again.

_“Answer me, dammit, wake up”_ , Kurogane screamed desperately. Fay looked up and finally saw him. The ninja quickly took his coat off and covered Fay’s body with it. It was warm and the sensation felt like a blessing to Fay’s freezing cold skin. Kurogane then managed to pick him up from the snow and started rushing back to their inviting apartment.

When they finally got back inside, Kurogane walked to their bedroom, making sure not to wake Syaoran or Mokona up. Fay understood he didn’t want to worry anyone else, and he couldn’t help but feel even more guilt with that thought. No one should have to deal with his problems like that, but it was not like Kurogane would give up on him now, not after he made everything humanly possible to keep Fay alive by his side.

The next thing he knew, Kurogane was putting him to bed, covering him with all the blankets he could find around the house. Fay started to feel warm again but still his eyes were static and he didn’t even notice when the tears started falling.

_“What the hell were you thinking?”_ Kurogane asked sitting beside him in their bed. _“How did you even ended up falling asleep outside like that, are you trying to—“_

But Kurogane stopped as soon as he saw Fay’s tears and the shock on his face. Whatever happened it seemed like Fay didn’t predict it, the ninja thought.

_“He was there, why did he have to leave again?”_ Fay asked before he could stop himself. He looked up at Kurogane and he seemed so shattered and lost the ninja instantly forgot all the rage he was just feeling. Fay had probably seem things that weren’t really there, ghosts that would probably still haunt him forever.

_“You saw someone out there?”_ Kurogane asked. _“Is that why you left?”_

Fay nodded as tears still fell on his face, his skin recovering its original color after the freezing cold.

_“My brother, he was calling me”, Fay explained. “I couldn’t help but answer.”_

And then Kurogane knew that what he said next hurt Fay just as it hurt him when he thought he had his parents back, but the mind played tricks on everyone once in a while, showing us things that we wished were real.

_“It was probably just a dream or an illusion”,_ Kurogane said, feeling terrible about it. _“You know he is—“_

_“I know”,_ Fay agreed before the other could continue, looking down at his shaking hands.

_“I’m sorry I worried you, though”,_ he confessed, letting his body fall forward, resting his head against Kurogane’s chest. He just wanted to hide for a while, let his tears fall without feeling any shame about it; he knew Kurogane wouldn’t judge, especially at that moment.

_“Did you really think I would ever sleep through it”,_ Kurogane said, running his fingers in Fay’s silky hair, the snow already drying out. _“Especially feeling that you were no longer by my side?”_

Fay smiled a little at that, passing his arm around Kurogane’s waist, holding him so close he wondered if he would complain about it. It felt so good to feel a warm body against his once again.

_“Oh, I knew Kuro-sama would search and find me no matter where I was”,_ Fay joked; even though they both knew too well it was the truest thing someone could ever say about them. One would never leave the other behind.

_“For the first time in your life you are actually right”,_ Kurogane joked back. Fay smiled again, hitting him in the arm with his still sore hand.

_“You are too mean”,_ he complained to what Kurogane only smiled lightly.

_“That’s for trying to run away from me”,_ he said, and it wasn’t entirely false.

_“I’m not crazy enough to try that again, you know”,_ Fay stated. He felt Kurogane tighten his grip around his body, holding him even closer, if that was possible. It was good to feel that his skin warm again, even better with Kurogane’s against his. They stayed like that for a few minutes until the image Fay had seen emerged in his head again. His tears had already dried out but what he saw would probably stick with him forever.

_“I still miss him”,_ he confessed, and his chest hurt with the thought of his brother one day really meeting him again. He knew it could never be true, not in this life, at least.

_“I know”,_ Kurogane said, kissing the top of Fay’s head. He breathed in the smell of Fay’s hair, grateful to the feeling of having Fay back to safety. Fay just hid his face even more against him, probably still fighting the cold. He knew how hard it had been for Fay to finally let go of his brother when they were back at Ceres. It felt like ages ago but Kurogane knew that what they lived wouldn’t leave Fay’s heart so soon. Kurogane himself knew how difficult it was to let go of someone. It was never easy, even after you think you finally did it.

_“Thank you for dragging me back to reality”_ , Fay suddenly said. It wasn’t always that he surprised Kurogane with things like that. Kurogane rolled his eyes and sighed; like he would ever let Fay go after everything they had been through to keep each other safe and together.

_“I think I would still be living inside an illusion if I was left there”,_ he added, feeling a little sad for the thought.

_“Even if I had to go through hell”,_ Kurogane let out before he could stop his emotions from slipping out.

_“I would never give up on you.”_

And just like that Fay knew that the sentiment Kurogane always expressed would be marked on him, just as those footprints on the snow. Although, unlike it, soon the memories wouldn’t hurt anymore and time would cover the wounds, just like it would cover the marks from his past on the snow.


End file.
